A weekly invitation to transform from the inside out.
Happy Seed-Day!
Here's an idea (The Seed), a way to go deeper (The Soil), and a journal prompt (The Root) to explore.
I. The Seed
Not all feedback weighs the same. Weigh it by what it cost the person to say it.
The close friend who risks the friendship to tell you the hard thing has paid for their words.
The stranger with an opinion has paid nothing, and neither has the person who only ever agrees with you.
Take it with a smile.
So ask every critic the quiet question: what do you lose if I fail? The answer is how much to listen.
Free opinions are priced correctly.
II. The Soil
Read: Brené Brown's Square Squad, the exercise on page 22 of Dare to Lead. You cut a square of paper, one inch by one inch. The instruction is exactly this:
"Write the names of the people whose opinions really matter to you within the square."
The size of the square is the whole lesson. It will not hold many names, and it is not meant to. Then comes the harder half, the question she asks afterward: are you spending yourself on the acceptance and approval of strangers while the people who belong on that square wait?
Then sit with this: you already know whose words cost them something. The square is only where you write it down.
III. The Root
Think of the last piece of feedback that stung. What part of it was actually useful, and what part did you accept as a verdict on who you are?
Draw your own square, one inch by one inch, and write the names. Who did you leave off that you have been working hard to impress?
Until next week,
Jay Sueno
PS - There is a longer, more personal letter behind this one. The Long Paddle is my weekly writing on business, family, health, and building a life in Siargao. It is free at jaysueno.substack.com.
